Finding the gift in the pain.
Financially nothing had been working out for me. I knew there was a deep karmic block that needed to be healed but I wasn’t sure how to heal it. I approached it from many different angles, but nothing worked.
I went to different healers yet it was still there… I knew it surrounded my dad and me. I love my dad very much. He’s a beautiful soul with a kind and compassionate heart.
We’ve had our issues for sure but none as extreme as what would come up when someone would energetically ready my energy field telling me I needed to forgive my dad, that is was deathlike. I thought to myself. I’ve been mad at him but deathlike was taking it to the extreme.
I kept looking more and more at all the ways I was holding onto this block. I knew that it was an obstacle I needed to get around for my finances to flow abundantly to me.
I asked my dad if he would see this energy worker with me. He agreed. I told the lady who was helping us there is a where something happened in a past life that needed to be healed.
She said why don’t we get to this lifetime first.... suddenly the tears began to flow. I didn’t even realize I was still holding onto anything from this lifetime. I was so eager to get to the root cause I was missing some very large aspects that needed to be acknowledged. That session helped me clear away some emotional blocks but I knew there was more.
It was in that moment I realized my inner child was still angry at him for not protecting me from my mom.
There were soul aspects of me that wasn’t ready to forgive him. So I asked him to meet me for breakfast so we could talk. We had a amazing conversation that allowed us to address some things I could see that wasn’t serving our highest good.
We went back to the house to do a healing together. We held hands and asked for the divine loving light of the creator to flow through us. Then we pulled up a chair and asked my mom (in spirit form) to join us… the tear flew down my face.
When we were done my dad asked me if he could do a new form of healing that he learned on me. I said sure. He was using new dowsing rods to clear some emotional blocks. I could see the joy in him to be able to help me at the same time I was observing him, I was observing my own inner voice tell the dowsing rods to stop spinning. I thought to myself who was that telling the rods to stop. Okay… I know that is an aspect of me… So digging I went, determined to get to the root cause of the pain.
Then, one day I was listening to a little YouTube clip of Neal Diamond Walsh. He said something that really resonated with me… it was something along the lines of has anyone ever offered you something who truly wanted to help and you rejected it? By doing that you are cutting off your receiving. I see this all the time in the work that I do with my clients but I never applied it to me until the day I blocked the healing from my dad.
After, my realization, I heard a calm voice say “what is the gift in the financial situation”? It was then when it hit me… if I never needed the money, I probably never would have sat down and done the inner healing that truly needed to be resolved. Tears fell down my face because I could see and feel the gift…
I sat with my dad later that day and shared with him what I had discovered. He then said let me try this healing technique. As I was observing my thoughts I heard nothing… I knew I was getting somewhere. I was getting to the root of my pain. I was moving into true forgiveness.
I came into this life as unconditional love. I came in with a contract to heal all aspect of me. It wasn’t anyone else job to do that it was mine and mine alone.
True forgiveness is loving yourself and the other person. Seeing the divine in the imperfections and discovering they were all in divine order all along.
I am so grateful to have parents that loved me enough to sit with me and heal with me. I’ve said this before but we cannot heal what we do not acknowledge.
There are levels of forgiveness… little by little we chip away at them until we get to the root and then we get to say “now that I see the divine within you what kind of friendship can we create”?
Please forgive me for using my own self-righteousness to block out your divinity. We are all children of the same source no matter what label we put on it. Thank you for giving me new eyes to see…
The universe will keep sending us back in different roles until we figure this out. I can now see where I was being a dick by holding onto to something that wasn't serving neither one of us. - Nicole Pulvermacher
story continued...
When my mom got sick I moved in to help take care of her. Shortly, after she made transitioned to the other side I heard spirit tell me to take my son on a trip to Sedona, Arizona, and Santa Fe, New Mexico. He was 23 at the time and had never experienced anything outside of the Midwest before. I wanted him to know there was more to life than the circles he was running in.
Our first stop was Sedona where we got a reading from this wonderful lady… during the reading she asked me if my dad was sick, she said she didn't think he had much time left. I honestly wasn’t expecting that at all. I saw his life going another direction completely.
Then when we travel to Santa Fe we received another reading from a different lady… she asked me to describe my dad… I started telling her he’s very loving, big heart and then I busted out with “he micromanages and it drives me crazy”. She said, yep, this is your dad. I was trying to figure out if it was your son or your dad.
She said "your dad needs you right now. Even you just being there will help him". I said "okay". I knew I needed to stay, I knew it was the right thing to do but energetically I was angry and didn’t really know why. I thought to myself why when my mom got sick could I lovingly with an open heart come back to help her, but I can’t seem to do the same thing for my dad energetically?
When I got back I told my dad I had to stay for a bit… I even heard spirit say, “I am to obey orders…” now, if you know me you know I am not a fan of the word “obey”.
As time went on I could feel my desire for wanting my own house to kick in… I woke up one morning and realized my “will” to want my own house and my career to take off was starting to supersede my dad's “will to live” so I silently let it all go. There is a ladder for everyone to walk up but it’s how gracefully you do it that matters.
I knew the universe would present an opportunity for me when the time was right. Thankfully, I did eventually get to move out with a solution that worked for all of us.
After I moved out I knew that was time for me to heal… I spent so much time “holding space” for everyone around me I never really took time to grieve and to dig deeper into some painful experience I was holding onto.
If you’ve read my previous stories, you’ll know I’ve been working on forgiveness with my dad for a while. We even did some deep healing together which opened a new pathway for us to create a new relationship.
Just a few days ago we got a scare which brought my dad to the hospital. The doctors were unsure as to what was causing the bleeding… I was doing my best to stay as neutral as possible to the situation. We were concerned that he may have cancer.
The first night my little sister stayed with him at the hospital. The next day I volunteered to stay the night.
As I was driving to the hospital and could feel I was being presented with an opportunity to help my dad again. I said to spirit okay if he needs my help I will put my career on hold and move back to his house. This time I was able to say it with an open heart.
Thankfully we found out he was cancer free. The doctors were able to take care of the problem during surgery.
After the surgery, my dad looked at me and said: “Nicky, it looks like we accomplished our mission…” Yes, dad, we did ❤️
The moral of the story… healing isn’t easy but it's worth it. Every experience good, bad and the ugly are opportunities for us to learn. For us to see where we have more work to do and where we have mastered our craft. Sometimes we don’t have to experience the worst case scenario we just have to learn the lesson in it. ❤️
The only way out is through the heart but if it is blocked off with judgment and emotional blocks it’s going to be impossible to stay aligned with the truth of who we really are. LOVE. - Nicole Pulvermacher